Auto-Tune Pizza

For those of you that don't know what Auto-Tune is I'm sure you've definitely heard what it is if you've happened to listen to any song on the radio these days. Basically it is an effect that you can put on your voice that will automatically try to put your voice in tune. Most pop artists are now using it so almost everyone sounds the same. It is very annoying unless you use it for a prank call.

The below clip is someone from the Stern show calling a pizza place using Auto-Tune. I've listened to this numerous times and I still crack up every time I hear it.

11 Bars Of Christmas???

Hong Kong bar in Faneuil Hall damaged by fire

Updated: Friday, 25 Dec 2009, 12:20 PM ESTPublished : Thursday, 24 Dec 2009, 10:51 PM EST

"A three-alarm fire ripped through the Hong Kong bar in Faneuil Hall on Thursday night.
About a half dozen people were inside at about 9 p.m. when the fire broke out.

Firefighters said the fire, which was caused by an electrical short circuit, began on the ceiling of the first floor and quickly spread to the walls and across the building.

No one was hurt.

The fire caused an estimated $400,000 in damages."

I can't believe I didn't hear about this until now. Forget fundraising for Haiti. We all have to act now to rebuild the Hong Kong in Boston. I will be holding a candlelight vigil in 2 weeks in memory of the best 4th Bar and arguably the best of all the bars on the 12 Bars of Christmas Bar Crawl. Stay tuned for the benefit concert that I'm trying to put together which will also offer free Scorpion Bowls at the concert for every $20 donation.

Click here to watch the video of the Hong Kong burning. Lets all have a moment of silence while you watch the video. I do have to warn everyone that this video is highly emotional so please use discretion when viewing. I don't want to be responsible for anyone going into a deep depression.

Holiday Inn My Bed

I couldn't believe this was actually true. The below is a news article that I read. I wish I could make this up...

"At the Holiday Inn in the UK guests who don’t want to hop into a cold bed at one English hotel now have a novel way to warm up: by enlisting a staff member to do it for them.

The Holiday Inn's Kensington, London, location will offer a free five-minute “human bed warming” service throughout next week.

So what does a human bed warmer do? A hotel staffer, dressed from head-to-toe in a white, fleecy getup that looks like a cross between a footed pajama set and a snowsuit, will get into your bed upon request and move around, generating some heat between those chilly sheets."

What could hotels come up with next?

Staff Members will drool on your pillow
Staff Members will give you a dutch oven
Staff Members will snore next to you all night

The Next Mythbuster

I have come up with the next Myth that they need to investigate on the show Mythbusters.

Myth: The show Mythbusters will start to lose ratings since the new blonde is not as hot as the old red head.

True or False?

Sunday Night Footboob

I've been listening to hours of talk radio this week. In the Boston area the main two topics that seem to be discussed are mammograms and Belichick's decision to go for it on 4th down.

The big thing for both topics has been everyone debating over statistics. One group will bring up certain numbers and then another group will present a whole different set of numbers. At this point in the week I'm so confused but have tried to put things together.

From my understanding this is what I believe to be true:

-56% of people agree that for both mammograms and 4th downs you should not "go for it" if you are under 40.

-76% of people agree that thinking of Tom Brady while giving yourself a breast exam will not help you.

-92% of people feel that whether you are looking out for your 2 boobs or 2 yards, make sure you don't "faulk" yourself by making the wrong decision.

Fresh Balls

This is not a joke. This is an actual product for "your boys". The below is an exact excerpt from their website, Freshballs.com.

Frank Brooks invented Fresh Balls for one reason ….. well … actually two. He, along with millions of other men, suffer from sweaty testicles.

Mr. Brooks, and his team of chemists, created this cream, called Fresh Balls, to ease this embarrassing problem.

Fresh Balls is the first and only antiperspirant for your boys… It’s Aluminum Free, Paraben Free and Talc Free. It contains Oatmeal as an anti-irritant and Tea Tree Oil – so it’s anti-bacterial as well.

In other words, it’s perfect for your skin.
Fresh Balls is an easy to apply cream, so it won’t clump on your skin or leave a powdery residue on your pants.

Check out their video and website by clicking here or you can also see the video from their website below.

How To Open A Wine Bottle Without A Corkscrew

How to Open Wine Without a Corkscrew - Watch more Funny Videos

Fleggaard – Lige over Grænsen

This is a Danish advertisement.


Is This the Best TV Commercial Ever? Fleggaard Controversial - The most amazing videos are a click away

The text on the sky says “Dish Washer – Only 4999″.

And the text in the end says “Fleggaard – Lige over Grænsen” which means “Fleggaard – Just over the edge”.

Grænse also has the meaning “border”, and Fleggaard is a German company selling lots of stuff cheap (or so they say) in Denmark. Hence “just over the border”.

Also, to ensure that I clarify everything in this commercial...yes, these are naked women that are skydiving. No translation will be needed for that part of the commercial.

Intern Google Search

I typed in the word "intern" when searching google for more information on Dave Letterman's situation. One of the first pictures that popped up in relation to the word intern was below.

I now know we don't have to worry about David Letterman giving interns a bad name. They do just fine on their own.

What Did I Miss?

Do you find yourself asking someone this at the movies after you return from the bathroom?

Now you don't have to with a new website: RunPee.com

The website will tell you the best times during a movie to go to the bathroom. It also has an app. for iPhones. During a movie it will buzz your phone a minute in advance of the best pee break time. It will also give you a synopsis of what you are missing.

This was actually created by a professional football player, Jordan Palmer (Carson's brother).

Check out the website by clicking here.

Female Urinal

For girls that don't want to use the MagicCone here is a urinal that will help them out.

Burquinis

The Burquini is basically a Burka for the beach. The women that will use it will mainly be Muslim women.

Instead of this being a requirement for Muslim women I'd rather this attire be required (or should I say mandatory) for overweight women.

If you'd like to see more on Burquinis click here.

The Shake Weight or the Hand Job Handle?

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos

Should they really call this the Shake Weight?

If they don't decide to change the name of the product they should at least change the commercial to what the true benefits of this would be...

Revised Commercial:

Hey girls, are you sick of it taking so long to jerk off your husband/boyfriend? Well we have your answer. Start training with the new Shake Weight.

We've found on a study of more than 300 women that they cut down the average time it took to get their loved one off from 3.4 minutes to 15 seconds flat.

Lets listen to what Debbie has to say...

Debbie: "The Shake Weight changed my life. Being married to an alcoholic with liquor dick has been a living hell for me until I found Shake Weight. Now instead of taking 27 minutes to jerk him off I'm done in less than 2 minutes. Thank you Shake Weight!!!"

Australia's Got Talent

Everyone thought that Susan Boyle had talent...now this is talent.


I Suppose Australia Has Talent - Watch more free videos

Cashing In On Michael

This is eBay at its best.

This is an actual item that I found being sold on eBay. It is a hand made bust of Michael Jackson. At the top it reads, "Rare Item Hand Made Local Artist in 1983 MJ has seen it".

The "buy it now" price is $25,0000. Classic.

Sleepover With Bubbles

I know what many of you have been thinking this week. Although one of the greatest music stars of all time passed away you really are upset wondering; "What happened to Bubbles?"




Don't worry, Bubbles is still alive. He is currently 26 years old and living at a Center For Great Apes in Florida. He is doing well but it does look like he took some tips from MJ.

Similar to MJ allowing people to "sleep over" at Neverland Ranch, the location where Bubbles is currently located allows persons that donate a certain amount of money to actually "schedule an overnight stay".

Per the Center For Great Apes website, a person "contributing at the Founder’s Club level ($10,000 and above) may schedule an overnight stay in one of our guest cabins."

I predict in less than 3 years Bubbles will be accused of child molestation allowing children to sleep in his bed as well as giving the children wine which he refers to as Jesus Juice.

**A Special Message to Bubbles: Bubbles...if you're out there reading this take a look at the Man In the Mirror and say to yourself, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life."

Learn from Michael's mistakes...don't let anyone sleep over.**

Fill In The Blank Plus 8

New Titles for the Jon & Kate Plus 8 Show

Bodyguard & Kate Plus 8

Jon & Kate Separ-8

Jon & Twenty Three Year Old Date Plus 8

Kate & Madelyn Plus 7

Mike Brady & Kate Plus 14

Hair Plugs & Spiky Plus 8

Gymboree Marketing & Kate Plus 8

Who Gives a Sh*t & Who Gives a F*ck Minus 8

Lets Build a Death Star

I stumbled across an article on Gizmodo that actually calculated the cost of what it would take to build a Death Star.


The total cost for a "no frills" Death Star would be $15.6 septillion and 94 cents. That is 1.4 Trillion Times the current US debt.

I really think we should put the money that we've borrowed from China towards building one. Use it as the start of a down payment so we can get this project going.

That way if China continues to become the powerhouse that we are all worried about and at some point demands us to start paying back the money we can simply say...

"We're not paying shit. You can go take your plastic toys and shove them up your ass. We've got a Death Star now...Bee-ach. That's right China...I said Bee-ach."

Comments

Since I have started my blog I will get email notifications once in awhile from people that leave comments at the bottom of each post.

Most of the comments are from people that I know but I have received some from random people that end up discovering my blog.



I normally won't comment on a comment but couldn't believe that I actually received a positive comment from someone for my Lunapad and DivaCup post.

The comment to the post was:

ekodiva said...
i'm a woman and i totally understand being happy about not having to deal with luna pads or diva cup. but... if ya' gotta deal... the diva cup is awesome! washing it out really isn't bad at all, and it's totally comfortable. recommend it to all your girlfriends! they'll love you even more! :)
February 16, 2009 1:49 AM

If anything I'd figured I'd get a positive comment about a blanket with arms in it vs. a post about re-usable menstrual pads. Go figure.

I guess the only thing that would top a positive comment about Lunapads would be a comment on my Triple Nipple post from someone admitting they have one.

Gilly

Have you ever watched something that is so bad it is actually good?

For those of you that don't watch Saturday Night Live these days you're not missing much. Although they haven't been that great I did see a skit that I had to share. It's the "Gilly" skit.

It will take a couple times of watching it to find it funny.

Watch it a few times and if you still don't find it funny have a few drinks with friends and continue to say "Gilly" in a deep voice about 100 times in a row and have your friend say "Sorry".

I promise you by about the 43rd time you'll be pissing your pants and won't be able to stop saying it the rest of the night.

Swine Flu 70's Style

We should have listened to the warning signs about the Swine Flu 33 years ago.

If the Swine Flu had any part in killing Disco Music then I guess it does have some benefits.

By far the best line in this is, "Betty died...but before she died she gave it to..."

The Bret Michaels School

For those of you that were big hair band fans you'll know that Bret Michaels always used to use the same facial pose in all of his pictures as if he was trying to kiss the camera.

The below is multiple pictures of a girl that obviously went to the same school of "How To Pose For A Picture" as Bret Michaels. Enjoy the randomly dubbed Indiana Jones soundtrack over the pictures of a hot girl looking like an idiot.




Chick Makes Same Dumb Face in Every Pic - Watch more Funny Videos

"Girls Are So Lucky They Can Pee Standing Up"

If you are a guy I'm sure you've heard girls complain stating, "You're so lucky since guys can pee standing up."

Now girls can no longer use this excuse thanks to the MagicCone. The MagicCone is basically a cone shaped piece of paper that allows women to pee standing up. My desciption does not do it justice and it is better to watch the video demostraction below. There is also an animated video on the website that is just as hillarious...I mean informative.

A company called Rightech Co. that came up with this also came up with a bunch of other random products that have nothing to do with each other. I can only imagine working as a customer service rep for this company...

"Thank you for calling Rightech. Are you calling about...

-Our "3D-Shot" which transforms your camera to 3D mode

-Our "No-Snag" ring binder

-Our "MagicCone" that allows women to pee standing up

...or...

-Our "P-Help" bag that allows you to pee anywhere...even in the car."

Sham Whoops

The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby.

The good part is that although Vince might have trouble trying to talk for awhile he could always use a soundboard that was created for him. Click here to check out a soundboard of Vince with all of his top phrases...classic.

Side Effects Of Collagen Lip Injections

As with any injection some common side effects are temporary redness and swelling at the injection site. These typically resolve within two to three days.

Most people can resume their normal activities within a few hours after the treatment such as spending your day trying hang on to your youth and convince yourself and others that your not a washed up soap star. (Note that this could also be taken as a pontential side effect as well but has yet to be scientifically proven.)

Do You Need Some Money?

Are you looking to make some extra cash this year? If so then I have the perfect plan for you.

All you need to do is follow these 4 easy steps...

1. Wait until the October time frame.

2. Research to find out the local bars in your area that are having cash giveaways/contests for the best Halloween costume.

3. Do whatever it takes to attend as many as you can.

4. Show up dressed as Slim Goodbody

If you know who he is you'll be instantly creeped out with old memories of a skinny guy with a fro and unitard singing about body parts.

For those of you that don't know it was a show (1985-1989) that promoted good eating and health on PBS. He is currently still alive and well.

I know what many of you are thinking...you'd love to wear the costume to a bar to win the money but just don't feel like you have the balls to do it.

Don't worry about that...look closely at his costume...you don't even need balls.

If any of you take my advice and actually do this I expect a 20% cut on any profits that you receive from winning costume contests.

I Found Something That Will Help Octomom

Since I'm tired of being frustrated knowing that my tax dollars go to people like Octomom, I figured I'd stop complaining and try to help. I found these...

The Original "Shout Out"

Admit it...you always anxiously awaited at the end of every Romper Room to hear your name called out.

Who Is More Dangerous To Women?

Jason Mesnick...

or an Ape?

The Women Won't Stop Staring

Don't you hate it when women wearing low cut shirts get upset with you for staring at their breasts?

Well now you can get women back by wearing these new jeans that just came out...