The Next Mythbuster

I have come up with the next Myth that they need to investigate on the show Mythbusters.

Myth: The show Mythbusters will start to lose ratings since the new blonde is not as hot as the old red head.

True or False?

Sunday Night Footboob

I've been listening to hours of talk radio this week. In the Boston area the main two topics that seem to be discussed are mammograms and Belichick's decision to go for it on 4th down.

The big thing for both topics has been everyone debating over statistics. One group will bring up certain numbers and then another group will present a whole different set of numbers. At this point in the week I'm so confused but have tried to put things together.

From my understanding this is what I believe to be true:

-56% of people agree that for both mammograms and 4th downs you should not "go for it" if you are under 40.

-76% of people agree that thinking of Tom Brady while giving yourself a breast exam will not help you.

-92% of people feel that whether you are looking out for your 2 boobs or 2 yards, make sure you don't "faulk" yourself by making the wrong decision.

Fresh Balls

This is not a joke. This is an actual product for "your boys". The below is an exact excerpt from their website, Freshballs.com.

Frank Brooks invented Fresh Balls for one reason ….. well … actually two. He, along with millions of other men, suffer from sweaty testicles.

Mr. Brooks, and his team of chemists, created this cream, called Fresh Balls, to ease this embarrassing problem.

Fresh Balls is the first and only antiperspirant for your boys… It’s Aluminum Free, Paraben Free and Talc Free. It contains Oatmeal as an anti-irritant and Tea Tree Oil – so it’s anti-bacterial as well.

In other words, it’s perfect for your skin.
Fresh Balls is an easy to apply cream, so it won’t clump on your skin or leave a powdery residue on your pants.

Check out their video and website by clicking here or you can also see the video from their website below.

How To Open A Wine Bottle Without A Corkscrew

How to Open Wine Without a Corkscrew - Watch more Funny Videos

Fleggaard – Lige over Grænsen

This is a Danish advertisement.


Is This the Best TV Commercial Ever? Fleggaard Controversial - The most amazing videos are a click away

The text on the sky says “Dish Washer – Only 4999″.

And the text in the end says “Fleggaard – Lige over Grænsen” which means “Fleggaard – Just over the edge”.

Grænse also has the meaning “border”, and Fleggaard is a German company selling lots of stuff cheap (or so they say) in Denmark. Hence “just over the border”.

Also, to ensure that I clarify everything in this commercial...yes, these are naked women that are skydiving. No translation will be needed for that part of the commercial.

Intern Google Search

I typed in the word "intern" when searching google for more information on Dave Letterman's situation. One of the first pictures that popped up in relation to the word intern was below.

I now know we don't have to worry about David Letterman giving interns a bad name. They do just fine on their own.

What Did I Miss?

Do you find yourself asking someone this at the movies after you return from the bathroom?

Now you don't have to with a new website: RunPee.com

The website will tell you the best times during a movie to go to the bathroom. It also has an app. for iPhones. During a movie it will buzz your phone a minute in advance of the best pee break time. It will also give you a synopsis of what you are missing.

This was actually created by a professional football player, Jordan Palmer (Carson's brother).

Check out the website by clicking here.

Female Urinal

For girls that don't want to use the MagicCone here is a urinal that will help them out.

Burquinis

The Burquini is basically a Burka for the beach. The women that will use it will mainly be Muslim women.

Instead of this being a requirement for Muslim women I'd rather this attire be required (or should I say mandatory) for overweight women.

If you'd like to see more on Burquinis click here.

The Shake Weight or the Hand Job Handle?

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos

Should they really call this the Shake Weight?

If they don't decide to change the name of the product they should at least change the commercial to what the true benefits of this would be...

Revised Commercial:

Hey girls, are you sick of it taking so long to jerk off your husband/boyfriend? Well we have your answer. Start training with the new Shake Weight.

We've found on a study of more than 300 women that they cut down the average time it took to get their loved one off from 3.4 minutes to 15 seconds flat.

Lets listen to what Debbie has to say...

Debbie: "The Shake Weight changed my life. Being married to an alcoholic with liquor dick has been a living hell for me until I found Shake Weight. Now instead of taking 27 minutes to jerk him off I'm done in less than 2 minutes. Thank you Shake Weight!!!"

Australia's Got Talent

Everyone thought that Susan Boyle had talent...now this is talent.


I Suppose Australia Has Talent - Watch more free videos

Cashing In On Michael

This is eBay at its best.

This is an actual item that I found being sold on eBay. It is a hand made bust of Michael Jackson. At the top it reads, "Rare Item Hand Made Local Artist in 1983 MJ has seen it".

The "buy it now" price is $25,0000. Classic.

Sleepover With Bubbles

I know what many of you have been thinking this week. Although one of the greatest music stars of all time passed away you really are upset wondering; "What happened to Bubbles?"




Don't worry, Bubbles is still alive. He is currently 26 years old and living at a Center For Great Apes in Florida. He is doing well but it does look like he took some tips from MJ.

Similar to MJ allowing people to "sleep over" at Neverland Ranch, the location where Bubbles is currently located allows persons that donate a certain amount of money to actually "schedule an overnight stay".

Per the Center For Great Apes website, a person "contributing at the Founder’s Club level ($10,000 and above) may schedule an overnight stay in one of our guest cabins."

I predict in less than 3 years Bubbles will be accused of child molestation allowing children to sleep in his bed as well as giving the children wine which he refers to as Jesus Juice.

**A Special Message to Bubbles: Bubbles...if you're out there reading this take a look at the Man In the Mirror and say to yourself, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life."

Learn from Michael's mistakes...don't let anyone sleep over.**

Fill In The Blank Plus 8

New Titles for the Jon & Kate Plus 8 Show

Bodyguard & Kate Plus 8

Jon & Kate Separ-8

Jon & Twenty Three Year Old Date Plus 8

Kate & Madelyn Plus 7

Mike Brady & Kate Plus 14

Hair Plugs & Spiky Plus 8

Gymboree Marketing & Kate Plus 8

Who Gives a Sh*t & Who Gives a F*ck Minus 8

Lets Build a Death Star

I stumbled across an article on Gizmodo that actually calculated the cost of what it would take to build a Death Star.


The total cost for a "no frills" Death Star would be $15.6 septillion and 94 cents. That is 1.4 Trillion Times the current US debt.

I really think we should put the money that we've borrowed from China towards building one. Use it as the start of a down payment so we can get this project going.

That way if China continues to become the powerhouse that we are all worried about and at some point demands us to start paying back the money we can simply say...

"We're not paying shit. You can go take your plastic toys and shove them up your ass. We've got a Death Star now...Bee-ach. That's right China...I said Bee-ach."

Comments

Since I have started my blog I will get email notifications once in awhile from people that leave comments at the bottom of each post.

Most of the comments are from people that I know but I have received some from random people that end up discovering my blog.



I normally won't comment on a comment but couldn't believe that I actually received a positive comment from someone for my Lunapad and DivaCup post.

The comment to the post was:

ekodiva said...
i'm a woman and i totally understand being happy about not having to deal with luna pads or diva cup. but... if ya' gotta deal... the diva cup is awesome! washing it out really isn't bad at all, and it's totally comfortable. recommend it to all your girlfriends! they'll love you even more! :)
February 16, 2009 1:49 AM

If anything I'd figured I'd get a positive comment about a blanket with arms in it vs. a post about re-usable menstrual pads. Go figure.

I guess the only thing that would top a positive comment about Lunapads would be a comment on my Triple Nipple post from someone admitting they have one.

Gilly

Have you ever watched something that is so bad it is actually good?

For those of you that don't watch Saturday Night Live these days you're not missing much. Although they haven't been that great I did see a skit that I had to share. It's the "Gilly" skit.

It will take a couple times of watching it to find it funny.

Watch it a few times and if you still don't find it funny have a few drinks with friends and continue to say "Gilly" in a deep voice about 100 times in a row and have your friend say "Sorry".

I promise you by about the 43rd time you'll be pissing your pants and won't be able to stop saying it the rest of the night.

Swine Flu 70's Style

We should have listened to the warning signs about the Swine Flu 33 years ago.

If the Swine Flu had any part in killing Disco Music then I guess it does have some benefits.

By far the best line in this is, "Betty died...but before she died she gave it to..."

The Bret Michaels School

For those of you that were big hair band fans you'll know that Bret Michaels always used to use the same facial pose in all of his pictures as if he was trying to kiss the camera.

The below is multiple pictures of a girl that obviously went to the same school of "How To Pose For A Picture" as Bret Michaels. Enjoy the randomly dubbed Indiana Jones soundtrack over the pictures of a hot girl looking like an idiot.




Chick Makes Same Dumb Face in Every Pic - Watch more Funny Videos

"Girls Are So Lucky They Can Pee Standing Up"

If you are a guy I'm sure you've heard girls complain stating, "You're so lucky since guys can pee standing up."

Now girls can no longer use this excuse thanks to the MagicCone. The MagicCone is basically a cone shaped piece of paper that allows women to pee standing up. My desciption does not do it justice and it is better to watch the video demostraction below. There is also an animated video on the website that is just as hillarious...I mean informative.

A company called Rightech Co. that came up with this also came up with a bunch of other random products that have nothing to do with each other. I can only imagine working as a customer service rep for this company...

"Thank you for calling Rightech. Are you calling about...

-Our "3D-Shot" which transforms your camera to 3D mode

-Our "No-Snag" ring binder

-Our "MagicCone" that allows women to pee standing up

...or...

-Our "P-Help" bag that allows you to pee anywhere...even in the car."

Sham Whoops

The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby.

The good part is that although Vince might have trouble trying to talk for awhile he could always use a soundboard that was created for him. Click here to check out a soundboard of Vince with all of his top phrases...classic.

Side Effects Of Collagen Lip Injections

As with any injection some common side effects are temporary redness and swelling at the injection site. These typically resolve within two to three days.

Most people can resume their normal activities within a few hours after the treatment such as spending your day trying hang on to your youth and convince yourself and others that your not a washed up soap star. (Note that this could also be taken as a pontential side effect as well but has yet to be scientifically proven.)

Do You Need Some Money?

Are you looking to make some extra cash this year? If so then I have the perfect plan for you.

All you need to do is follow these 4 easy steps...

1. Wait until the October time frame.

2. Research to find out the local bars in your area that are having cash giveaways/contests for the best Halloween costume.

3. Do whatever it takes to attend as many as you can.

4. Show up dressed as Slim Goodbody

If you know who he is you'll be instantly creeped out with old memories of a skinny guy with a fro and unitard singing about body parts.

For those of you that don't know it was a show (1985-1989) that promoted good eating and health on PBS. He is currently still alive and well.

I know what many of you are thinking...you'd love to wear the costume to a bar to win the money but just don't feel like you have the balls to do it.

Don't worry about that...look closely at his costume...you don't even need balls.

If any of you take my advice and actually do this I expect a 20% cut on any profits that you receive from winning costume contests.

I Found Something That Will Help Octomom

Since I'm tired of being frustrated knowing that my tax dollars go to people like Octomom, I figured I'd stop complaining and try to help. I found these...

The Original "Shout Out"

Admit it...you always anxiously awaited at the end of every Romper Room to hear your name called out.

Who Is More Dangerous To Women?

Jason Mesnick...

or an Ape?

The Women Won't Stop Staring

Don't you hate it when women wearing low cut shirts get upset with you for staring at their breasts?

Well now you can get women back by wearing these new jeans that just came out...

Don't Turn To God...Turn To Fashion

The home screen on my computer is MSN.com. When I logged into my computer yesterday I ended up seeing the below article...

So you are telling me that if a loved one dies or your significant other leaves you that fashion can pull you through it? Wow, I never knew fashion was that powerful!!!

What else can fashion do?

If I lose my job will fashion help pay my mortgage?

If I suffer with depression will fashion cheer me up?

What if I become impotent? Will fashion give me the lift that I need?

What if a 200lb chimp attacks me? Can fashion help save me?

I really don't know the answers to how vast and far reaching fashion can actually help but now I'm definitely curious.

If I suddenly find fashion would I be a "Born Again Fashionite"?

Could fashion be the next Scientology?

Look out L. Ron Hubbard...here comes fashion.

Ape Shit

"A pet chimpanzee has been shot dead by a police officer after mauling a woman visiting its owner. The 200lb ape, who had appeared on TV commercials such as Coca Cola and Old Navy, attacked the woman as she got out of her car."

This is another one of the many things to add to the list of what is wrong with the world today. If there were anything to take away from this story I'd say that there are 2 simple rules...

Rule #1: Don't ever have a 200lb ape as a pet.

Rule #2: If you decide to break rule #1 don't ever dress the ape up and put it in a commercial. Especially an Old Navy commercial.

I even find myself holding back from attacking someone after watching those annoying commercials.

Please enjoy the below commercial from the Super Bowl. It also contains a bunch of chimps that will most likely go Ape Shit in the future.

The Next New Thing

This is for everyone that loves to run out and buy the next new piece of shit before anyone else has it.

Even Superheroes Hate Work

I'm sure there are days that Superman would rather relax on the couch than go to work...

Even Batman would rather stay home once in awhile and have a drink over fighting the Joker.

...and we all know that Robin and Aquaman would rather be at a gay club than out fighting crime.

Everyone hates going to work. Superheros are no different than you and I.

To illustrate this is a clip in which they dubbed the movie Office Space into an episode of Super Friends.

PMS Buddy

"I'm going to go out after work with the boys."

"Sorry I missed dinner. I was stuck at the office."

"I can't wait for boys weekend."

"Yeah, I'll take another beer."

"Jessica Biel is so hot."

"Please don't talk to me. The game just started."

Have you ever wanted to make comments like these around your wife/girlfriend but never sure it was the right time. Well now there is something to help.

Welcome...

PMS Buddy is an actual on line website that lets you plug in your wife/girlfriend's monthly cycle. It will actually email you on the dates that you should watch out for PMS. It has alert levels and an Overall Threat Index to make you prepared for what is about to come.

Besides beer, Playboy, football, and blow jobs...this might be the best thing ever created for men.

If you want to check out the actual website for more info. click here.

Christian Bale Vs. Bill O'Reilly

Most of you have heard Christian Bale's current rampage during the filming of Terminator 4.

Imagine if Christian Bale and Bill O'Reilly were working on the same set.


Christain Bale Vs. Bill O'Reilly - Watch more Free Videos

Bring Out Your Dead

DTV is coming...Bring out your dead!!!

The cable companies are forcing customers that have an old antenna TV to get a converter or get rid of their old TV and buy a new one. Since most of these people are elderly I've offered to travel to everyone in my area and pick up their old TV since I feel bad for them.

For more on this topic feel free to click here.